Untitled...

Sometimes I really despise coming up with post titles. I often have so many thoughts running through my head when I first sit down to write that I just can't seem to choose a name that can encompass it all. Tonight is one of those nights. So we forgo the title.

What an absolutely gorgeous weekend we experienced in K-town. And good golly we deserved it after weeks upon weeks of frigid temperatures and continuing cold fronts. I don't think I've ever heard so many kids say they're sick of the snow! I sure am. I'm not getting out of class, and I'm not getting out of work, so I wish the sky would just hold it in and stop stressing me out about driving in the possible treachery.

Geez. One little slide at the start of winter and I'm scarred for life. I've accepted it: I'm paranoid.

Anyway, I spent so many hours at Sequoyah throughout the weekend, and I just couldn't be more thankful for it. The sunshine, the puppies, the green, the random men's cross country team parading up and down the boulevard...it was blissful really. I'll confess though, I'm kind of glad it's supposed to start raining tonight and then get chilly again by the end of the week. I just have so much school to deal with the next several days, and it stresses me to be cooped up inside doing homework when the gorgeous warmth beckons. So just let me get this 2500-word history paper written, and then bring on the springtime!

So another confession: I tried to withdraw from the half marathon yesterday...but I failed. Yeah, unfortunately that lofty fee is non-refundable and non-transferable.

It's not that I don't think I'll have enough time to train necessarily, it's just that I've realized how I've put the wrong label on this competition from the get-go. It's like an ill omen that I'm dreading and thus have to gear my entire life around getting ready for it. And it shouldn't be like that. I don't want to lose the joy I find in running, and I especially don't want to be droopy and depressed every day until I can start back up again. I need to be able to enjoy and be thankful for every part of every day, whether it includes a wonderful 7-mile run or a gimpy leg and a limp.

Limp...that word sounds so weird when you say it over and over again...hmm.

I just feel like I might be placing this race on a pedestal. It's like we talked about at Bible study a few weeks ago: if you fear something, you will begin to idolize it. Unfortunately my something is a half marathon.

And I'm not going to just give up and quit. Especially since I'm paying for it whether I run it or not...hah. But I am determined to put it in a new perspective. And in the meantime, I'm going to be thankful for what I can do, and just do that.

Speaking of being thankful, I just thought it might be good for me to share a few things I'm especially thankful for on this late Sunday night:

• oversized flannel pj bottoms
• puppies (especially little black fluffy ones)
• grandmothers
• families who care enough to call you after they hear about a wreck, just to make sure you're alright
• roommates to vent with
• McKay's
• recipes you're really excited to try out (specifically Chicken Tamale Casserole)
• spring-colored M&Ms
• the Olympics
• worship music
• the professional feeling of sitting at a desk
  
• someone in the passenger's seat on long car rides
• a 60-degree day in February :)

And so much else...

One last thing while it's on my mind...this morning at church, Mike Kuhn preached and said something that God seemed to be directing right at my heart. I've heard it a million times in a million different ways, but today it hit home a little bit more. God desires nothing more than intimacy with us, and sometimes He lets us know that through pain. Right now, my pain is pain. Straight up. But I know that God is reaching out to me in my literal pain with a purpose, that I would desire Him more and rely on Him more. And it's hard, but I'm learning to do just that.

May you too find meaning in your struggle and pleasure in your pain, whatever that may be.

Happy last week of February!! :)