Lunch.

Yummm...


So I've found my new "I could eat this for every meal for a week and be okay" food...sweet potato fries. Made them for lunch today and can't wait to do it again.

My to-do list is ridiculous, so that is all I have to share for now.

But seriously, find some sweet potato fries and eat them. I hear they're the seasonal vegetable at Aubrey's right now...yummy yummy!

Dreams of Late

Ya'll. I just ate grapes and M&Ms for dinner...how totally typical college student does that sound?

My belly hurts.

But hey, grapes are considered healthy, right? I think so.

Anyway, I've developed this new and wonderful hobby of stalking the shelves of Barnes & Noble while trying to kill time before work. Who knew it was acceptable to waltz right in, pick a random book off the shelf, and sink into one of the super comfy chairs to read it? And when you're done...you put it right back where you found it and leave, no money spent whatsoever. (Unless of course you desire a tasty hot beverage from the Starbucks inside...which today I did.) Yeah, I'm not sure if the store itself is necessarily an advocate of this method, but hey, I figure Barnes & Noble is a big company and must be doing alright, so I'm gonna keep doing it.

Well today I was immediately drawn to the beautifully blue cover of the Blackberry Farm cookbook. A couple of months ago, while randomly contemplating where one should get married in Knoxville...don't judge, lots of girls think about this stuff from time to time...my mind stumbled upon this gorgeous 9,000-acre estate in the Foothills. I'd always heard it was gorgeous and expensive, but then I checked out the website.


Well. It is gorgeous. And it is expensive. Yeah...turns out a wedding at Blackberry can range from $30,000 to (whoa) $80,000. Holy smokes. That ain't happening.

So I've let my wedding dreams somewhat subside since then...but now I have a new goal. I want my own Blackberry Farm. Never thought I'd be a farm girl, but I'm starting to change my mind. Back in the day my dream was to buy a mountain, so it's really the same thing, now I'll just stick a beautiful inn with a five star restaurant somewhere on it.

But first I've gotta find some money to buy a mountain.

Then I've gotta find a mountain...which could be difficult. Anybody got any leads?

But I guess really first I need to go work on my history paper.

Urgh.

Last Night in Review...

We begin around 11:30 pm...

I read blogs. I blog myself. I probably check Facebook. You know, I fulfill the items on a typical list of "how to waste a lot of time on the Internet."

One hour later...

I am getting tired and realize how late it is. I get in bed. I read my new book, The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime. It is very easy to read and thus incredibly addicting.

Approximately 12:50 am...

I put the book away, turn off the light (which requires an inconvenient trek across the room). And I get in bed and close my eyes.

Another hour passes...

My eyes are still open. Then my smoke alarm beeps. Oh no. This is very bad news. I turn on my tv to find the Olympics reruns. I watch for about 10 minutes. I seem to be getting tired. So I turn the tv off.

Now the clock reads 2:30 am...

And my eyes are still open! I return to the Olympics reruns. Shortly after, I feel the sleep coming on. I turn off the tv. My smoke alarm beeps again! I lie in anxious wait for the third beep, before getting up and removing the battery to ensure no more beeping. Yes, I realize this is breaking rules. I return to bed.

Somehow it becomes 3:00 am...

And somehow I finally fall asleep.

Very, very strange...needless to say, I've been quite tired today.

Untitled...

Sometimes I really despise coming up with post titles. I often have so many thoughts running through my head when I first sit down to write that I just can't seem to choose a name that can encompass it all. Tonight is one of those nights. So we forgo the title.

What an absolutely gorgeous weekend we experienced in K-town. And good golly we deserved it after weeks upon weeks of frigid temperatures and continuing cold fronts. I don't think I've ever heard so many kids say they're sick of the snow! I sure am. I'm not getting out of class, and I'm not getting out of work, so I wish the sky would just hold it in and stop stressing me out about driving in the possible treachery.

Geez. One little slide at the start of winter and I'm scarred for life. I've accepted it: I'm paranoid.

Anyway, I spent so many hours at Sequoyah throughout the weekend, and I just couldn't be more thankful for it. The sunshine, the puppies, the green, the random men's cross country team parading up and down the boulevard...it was blissful really. I'll confess though, I'm kind of glad it's supposed to start raining tonight and then get chilly again by the end of the week. I just have so much school to deal with the next several days, and it stresses me to be cooped up inside doing homework when the gorgeous warmth beckons. So just let me get this 2500-word history paper written, and then bring on the springtime!

So another confession: I tried to withdraw from the half marathon yesterday...but I failed. Yeah, unfortunately that lofty fee is non-refundable and non-transferable.

It's not that I don't think I'll have enough time to train necessarily, it's just that I've realized how I've put the wrong label on this competition from the get-go. It's like an ill omen that I'm dreading and thus have to gear my entire life around getting ready for it. And it shouldn't be like that. I don't want to lose the joy I find in running, and I especially don't want to be droopy and depressed every day until I can start back up again. I need to be able to enjoy and be thankful for every part of every day, whether it includes a wonderful 7-mile run or a gimpy leg and a limp.

Limp...that word sounds so weird when you say it over and over again...hmm.

I just feel like I might be placing this race on a pedestal. It's like we talked about at Bible study a few weeks ago: if you fear something, you will begin to idolize it. Unfortunately my something is a half marathon.

And I'm not going to just give up and quit. Especially since I'm paying for it whether I run it or not...hah. But I am determined to put it in a new perspective. And in the meantime, I'm going to be thankful for what I can do, and just do that.

Speaking of being thankful, I just thought it might be good for me to share a few things I'm especially thankful for on this late Sunday night:

• oversized flannel pj bottoms
• puppies (especially little black fluffy ones)
• grandmothers
• families who care enough to call you after they hear about a wreck, just to make sure you're alright
• roommates to vent with
• McKay's
• recipes you're really excited to try out (specifically Chicken Tamale Casserole)
• spring-colored M&Ms
• the Olympics
• worship music
• the professional feeling of sitting at a desk
  
• someone in the passenger's seat on long car rides
• a 60-degree day in February :)

And so much else...

One last thing while it's on my mind...this morning at church, Mike Kuhn preached and said something that God seemed to be directing right at my heart. I've heard it a million times in a million different ways, but today it hit home a little bit more. God desires nothing more than intimacy with us, and sometimes He lets us know that through pain. Right now, my pain is pain. Straight up. But I know that God is reaching out to me in my literal pain with a purpose, that I would desire Him more and rely on Him more. And it's hard, but I'm learning to do just that.

May you too find meaning in your struggle and pleasure in your pain, whatever that may be.

Happy last week of February!! :)

Struggles.

Let me begin with an apology...this is a fairly lengthy rant that most will probably find to be really whiney and boring. I think I just woke up this morning and needed to vent, and poof, there lay my computer...

Don't you hate it when you can't do something you love?

I do. And I'm really struggling with it right now.

As you might recall, on New Year's Eve, I committed myself to my new year's resolution by registering for the Nashville Country Music Half Marathon in April. I was a little unsure if it was such a good idea, being so far out, but I knew if I didn't sign up right then and there, I probably would put it off long enough to let the goal once again slip away.

At the time, I hadn't run in over a month in an attempt to nurse a stress fracture in my left shin back to health. It was really hard for me to stop doing something I had come to enjoy so much, but I took December off, knowing once January rolled around, I'd be in good shape to go at it again.

My primary fear in signing up for the half marathon wasn't so much taking the time to train or suffering through an intense training regimen. In fact, I was really excited to watch myself grow in endurance and finally prove to myself that I had the strength and willpower to set such a lofty goal and then see it through. What scared me the most as I spent that $90 to register, which doesn't even go to charity by the way, was the likelihood of another injury cramping my ability to train and reach that goal.

Well, for a good while, things were going great. It definitely took me awhile to get my lungs back in the swing of things, and I struggled at first to even get through a 2 mile run. Eventually though, the endurance returned, and I felt great. My shins felt great too, thanks to my sexy new Asics the Benjamin gave me for Christmas. I call them sexy because the guy who sold them to us did...and I won't even lie, they do look quite good.

Three or four weeks into training, however, I noticed a dull pain in my right quad muscle. It was really strange, and at first I just attributed the hurt to general fatigue...I was running a whole heck of a lot after all. I kept at it for another week or so before realizing that the pain was not going away, and in fact was getting worse. Walking even was becoming difficult.

I guess you could say it all culminated last Friday morning as I ran an early 3-miler on the treadmill. The pain was awful, and I knew I had to stop or the injury, whatever it may be, would never heal. It was terrible. I broke down. I thought it was over. I came back to my room and called the Benjamin bawling. I was so excited about this goal. And I was so on track to achieve it, but my body just wasn't cooperating.

I know it sounds crazy petty for someone to get so upset over some pain in her upper thigh. And I realize that not running for a week or two might not put everyone out there down in the dumps. But it is killing me. I talked with my mom about it last weekend, and she made me feel better about being upset. She herself used to be a frequent and avid runner, until hip problems stopped her from high impact exercise altogether. She told me it is still hard for her to see other people running though, and I can completely understand why. Yesterday the Benjamin and I went walking over at Sequoyah, and every time someone passed by jogging, my heart died a little more.

I had just come to love the activity so much. As much as I dreaded checking the next run off my training schedule, I found myself having a hard time even taking a day of rest. It's almost like I'm addicted to it or something, but not in a bad or harmful way, just because it makes me feel so free and empowered. I love running through God's creation and savoring the strength He puts in my legs. It was such a joy, and I truly miss it...even though it's only been a week. Hah.

And I'm struggling-hard core-with why this is happening. I have been learning in Bible study this semester the joy of simply delighting in life and delighting in the Lord. Delight is my new favorite word by the by... I thought I had reached a strong understanding of God's purpose in everything in my life, and then this hits. Could it be that I was starting to idolize my running and He wants me to step back and see that? Could it be an ever-needed reminder that He is in full control and I was beginning to take too much into my own hands? I really don't know, but all I can tell you is I'm a little frustrated.

I know I don't deserve anything from Him, but I'm just struggling to fully understand that and fully give up control I guess. But I wish I could let things go because it's seriously toying with happiness. I hope I can just continue to come to know a greater happiness that doesn't involve running...

I haven't gone to a doctor, by the way. It just takes so long, and in my experience, the only thing they can tell you is to stay off of it for 4-6 weeks. Well I don't have 4-6 weeks, so I'm hoping for a faster recovery, but we'll see how it goes. It seems like I've got some bigger stuff to take away from this experience, so hopefully I'll be able to focus on that instead. Or I might just run today. That would be wise. Psh.

Next Year...

Check it out....


I found my new goal in life :)

Unfortunately the 2010 race was held the first week of January, so I will have to wait a year. But no worries, the 2011 event is already scheduled, and I'm already putting it in my planner.

Pumped is an understatement.

Sugar Rush

Have you ever played the Haha Game? You know, the one where everybody lies in the floor with their heads on someone's stomach and you proceed to say...

Ha.

Ha-ha.

Ha-ha-ha.

Ha-ha-ha-ha.

And hopefully by this point hysterical laughter has broken out. That's the goal. Otherwise it just gets weird and awkward...

But yeah, it's a classic...

Well, let's just the Haha Game is a pretty accurate representation of my mood at the moment. I was trying (and had been for like an hour) to compose a rather serious blog post, and it just wasn't coming. Then Hales decided to comment on her terrifically wired, full-on ADD state, and before you knew it, bam, we were discussing dead cow noises and laughing way more than I've ever achieved with the Haha Game.

Needless to say, at the moment, I'm just not one for intellectualism.

I blame the strawberry shortcake we had for dessert tonight. Bring on the sugar rush, folks. It's been a long week already.

In other news...

I'm seriously starting to resent running. Which is no bueno, considering my longest logged distance is 4 miles on a treadmill...9 more? What?! Ew. Not to mention the fact that I've pretty much come to accept the fact that my quads are just going to be in a constant state of pain for the next 3 months.

Oh, and let's also discuss my wisely planned 9 and 10-mile runs I get to somehow fit in over spring break week. Yessss....

Sorry. I'll stop complaining. It really hasn't been that bad, and I'm totally up for my future long-distance challenges. I'm just tired on this chilly hump day, and I'm not looking forward to tomorrow morning's 7 am wake-up call. That's all.

Whew. And now comes the post-sugar rush crash. Time to hit the hay. Sweet dreams!

And I promise to get back to that serious post on a later occasion. It's a good one.

And another thing...be sure to laugh today. :)

Guilty Pleasure.

I am pooped. I blame two things:

Abnormal Psychology.

And this chick...Ugh. And to think I sort-of think I liked you after the first episode. Curse you Bachelor for turning me into such a hateful person. AND for hooking me in with your crazed drama and that glimmer of hope that maybe, just maybe, Jake will come to his senses and kick Miss Princess to the curb.

Doubtful.

And I wish I could channel that frustration into just changing the channel.

But I can't.

So I stay up into the wee hours of the night studying for early morning tests...since the evening was spent glued to the tube, watching Miss Thing desperately and annoyingly throwing herself at our prince.

Wow. I have got to get a more intellectual hobby. I think I'll do the crossword now...